Hi, Mom, hi, Dad, nice to see you! Sorry it's been so long. So, I know it's kind of short notice but I've been dating this guy for the past couple of months, and it's been going really well, so I wanted you both to meet him. Mom, Dad, this is Skeletor. I know, he's probably not exactly who you pictured me being with. I know you really liked Gary because he had a steady job, and a nice car, and all of his facial skin, but there are a lot of really great things you can learn about Skeletor too.
Sure, he's technically unemployed right now, but Skeletor can't be tied to a desk all day. He's working super hard to make his dream job happen and I feel so special to be a part of that journey. If I play my cards right, I truly believe that I could end up married to the ruler of not just Eternia, but the whole universe. He's so determined! No matter how many times He-Man defeats him does he give up? Does he say “I'm just going to become an accountant,” no! He gets up everyday and tries to make the world a better place, by conquering it.
Does he eat? Oh my god, Mom, what kind of question is that? Of course he eats. He's a vegan. Hahaha, just kidding, see, it could be worse. He mostly eats the souls of his fallen enemies. He prefers to consume live flesh if eating tangible food though. If you could just drag a cow, or a stray dog into the back yard, he can give it a zap with the ole' Havoc Staff and be good to go. No he won't eat your dog Dad! You're being so insensitive. You won't eat our dog right honey? See he won't!
I knew you guys were going to be this way. I wasn't even going to bring Skeletor with me this weekend, but he's on bail right now for kidnapping princess Adora and he really wanted to meet you in case he has to do some hard time for that. King Randor was not happy.
You guys have to appreciate how hard it is to find a man like Skeletor these days. He's passionate, intense, witty, and he can kill like twenty robots with one blast of the Havoc Staff. One blast of the Havoc Staff, Mom! Has Dad ever killed twenty robots with anything? I didn't think so. Plus, he has great taste in jewelry. Look at this beautiful bracelet he got me for our four-month anniversary. That is so insensitive Mom! He did not steal it. He found it! If you find it on the body of one of your victims you get to keep it. Everyone knows that.
I know he’s standing really close to the dog, Dad. He likes animals! Look, it might be hard to understand but when Skeletor and I met at that ancient book depository he was robbing; I saw him and I just knew he was the one. He's been through so much in life. Did you know that King Radnor is actually his brother? Which makes He-Man his nephew! I mean, we all know Prince Adam is secretly He-Man, right? It's like; all you did was take off your shirt and most of your pants. There's no mask or anything to the costume. Oh, you didn't know that sweetie? Wow, well, um, I'm so glad I can help you with your work.
Thanks for being so understanding Mom and Dad. I actually feel like this is going really well. I was going to wait to tell you this but, what the heck. We're not just dating we're living together. Yeah, taking over an entire realm is expensive and he needed some help with the rent on Snake Mountain. No he doesn't own it, he rents it from the Snake Men. That’s why it’s shaped like a snake and not a skull, duh. I also dropped out of college to support him. It's actually a great investment in our future together.
I really don't see why you're so angry. What good will being a doctor do me when I'm Mrs. Skeletor, Queen of the Universe? You're being really insensitive. This is my journey, and my heart, and I'm free to give it to whom I chose. Where is the dog...Where is the dog? I feel like subtraction of the dog is actually an addition to the amount of time we can all spend together as a family. Speaking of which, Skeletor and I will need to move in with you for a while. It turns out there aren't that many high paying jobs I'm qualified for in the land Eternia. Well, there's one, and it's battling Skeletor, so I can't really do that can I? Why are you crying?